I am no stranger to anxiety, second-guessing and self-consciousness. And some of the most competent people I’ve ever known are afflicted by similar questions about their self-worth, even when the world views them as aficionados in their respective fields.
Even the nicest person I know on this planet, struggles. Even the best construction mind I know, struggles. Even I struggle.
Motherhood hasn’t helped me find grace to convince myself that I am enough. In my zeal to give my children a better life, have I neglected their emotional needs? I missed my son’s first birthday because work kept me 2,000 miles away for a week longer than expected.
Writing my articles every week is often met with, “Do that later – come play now!” But, just as often, as I sit down to my computer and pour over every word, I am also met with, “Are you writing about me this week?!” with enthusiasm and pride from my six-year-old. And while, unlike this week, few articles ever mention them directly, every article is for them, in an attempt to reach others to help create a better world for our children – mine, yours, ours.
Even now, though, I question who I reach every week in our local paper. Do my words reach those they are meant for – our elected officials, those with the power to affect change, those who I’ve agreed with and disagreed with publicly?
But then I remember we are all capable of affecting change. Our votes matter, our voices matter, and our futures matter. To blindly dismiss a person’s opinion because they have a D or an R behind their name, is petty and unproductive. To assume my religion or party affiliation because I speak of juvenile crime, is easy but near-sighted. To accuse me of spreading propaganda to a state senator, in describing my most recent run-in with a repeat offender, with my children in tow, is small-minded and hypocritical.
The problems in New Mexico aren’t mine – we all share the impact, and we all share the blame, while we are unable to look at things objectively. We must all swallow our own pride, occasionally, to fix them. Not for ourselves, but for our children and the future we hope they can build here.
To begin, we must allow ourselves the grace to make mistakes and be able to hope for grace from others to admit them. I hope someone is there to pick up the pieces when New Yorkers find the grace to admit they may have been wrong.
I hope someone is there to tell my friends how extraordinary and capable they are, whenever they question themselves. I hope someone in New Mexico takes a stance against the apathy in our state and that they find friendly, constructive dialogue in that struggle as I have.
Admitting your mistakes is hard. But sometimes, affording yourself a bit of grace is even harder. Our society is full of judgement, whispers and opinions. Social media broadcasts our mistakes and often our inability to offer grace on grand scales. Criticism there can’t be taken back. And it often destroys lives in the pursuit of blue-thumb popularity.
My son and daughter have both recently asked when they will get their very own cell phones. Is that what my sacrifices in their early lives have brought us to – the financial and technical capability to offer them up to the bane of our society at present time? Absolutely not.
Not until they can understand how to have grace for themselves and give it freely to others – a skill that is lacking in society, in their elected leaders, and, too often, in their mother. It is a perishable skill, one that, if not practiced, is hard to find again. It is a skill that society teaches us we don’t need, when in fact, we need it now more than ever.
The national symptom? An ever-widening gap in the political spectrum, fueled by breaking news sensationalism and political pride. And as a local result, juvenile crime escalation, fueled by a strange dichotomy between immediate social media clout and yet a secretive cultural stance that would rather protect familial pride than seek help for a struggling child.
Antonyms of recording every little happening and counting the comments, versus providing the safety net someone may really need right now to raise their children. Giving grace freely, to oneself and to others, may just be the antithesis of our social media age, but also the key to unlocking true community support systems that catch people before they fall.
Challenge yourself to evoke grace. You messed up the recipe – you had an interesting Chemistry lesson! You were late picking up the baby from the sitter – they got to play for another 10 minutes. Your plumber was an hour late – he has to eat lunch, too.
Delete that cynical Facebook post and instead, offer up a more lenient “what if…?” to get others to think about it more objectively. Reach across the aisle to have a cup of coffee and get another’s perspective. Grace, in the face of failure, yours or theirs, is a strength that this world needs and is lacking.
Shawna Pfeiffer is a life-long Dona Ana County Resident, graduate of NMSU, small business owner, hobby farmer, dog-lover, outdoor enthusiast and mother to two young children. She can be reached at srpfeiffer1@gmail.com.
